Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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