Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Randomize
