so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
