Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
