just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
