I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
