i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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