why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Let's get the cat blown out
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
