I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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