Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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