So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
