My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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