I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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