Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
