found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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