Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
