She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
