Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
