How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
