I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Randomize
