I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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