we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
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