you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
