there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
