I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
This is not my ceiling
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize