Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
