she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
