I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
