Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
