An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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