Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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