I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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