He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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