If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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