Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
