in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
