so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
