I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
being pregnant is like rehab
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
