The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
dude. I can hear the air.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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