I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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