we have officially lost it.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
