What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
