So drunk its hurt
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
