my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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