So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
