the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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