I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize