Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
