I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
