i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
