life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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