You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
