Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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