how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
