We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
