Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
