OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
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