Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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