i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
