I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Little spoons don't ask big questions
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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