I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize