We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
