you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
