I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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