I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
