she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
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