She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
