if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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