Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
