Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
