Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
