it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
