You made me cry and you don't even care
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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