i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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