babies were throwing up all over the place
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
