I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
