yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
