I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I need to sanitize my soul.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize