omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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