From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize