I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I think people are normalizing furries
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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