He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
