I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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