She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize