I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
