don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize