this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
