are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
